As a newly pregnant woman with a previous loss, it's easy to be cautious the second time around. My husband's approach is, "Once bitten, twice shy," especially when it comes to announcing our pregnancy. Obviously, my approach is a bit different. I have this blog, don't I? Hehe.
My approach is unique because I know I will need the emotional support of loved ones no matter what, whether this pregnancy goes healthfully to term or, God-forbid, we have another miscarriage. I have always been very open about my fertility journey, and now is certainly no exception.
But how soon can you start imagining the future? How soon can you start hoping -- and believing -- that everything is going to work out this time around? When is it OK to breathe and relax? The answers are not easy, and I can make myself crazy with all of the knowledge, hysteria, and information available on the web and from others.
This pregnancy DOES feel different to me, though. Unlike last time, I am at a healthy starting weight. Unlike last time, I am much more stable, physically and emotionally. Unlike last time, I am starting at a much better job at a much more supportive school MUCH closer to home! Unlike last time, I am being closely monitored by doctors and nurses from the start (not at 8-10 weeks for the first time, the length of time most have to wait just to see their OB-GYN for a first prenatal appointment!). Unlike last time, I am more at peace, calm, and happy with the present.
Yes, I have a good feeling about this time around, but I also know better than to assume everything will go well and that this pregnancy will last. I am the eternal optimist, but I am also a realist. The chances of any woman my age having two miscarriages in a row is around 2%. The odds are in my favor, but it's hard not to be cautious. I don't think I will feel truly satisfied until I have a bouncing, screaming baby in my arms, as I've discussed previously.
Despite these hesitations, I am not looking back -- only forward. Today, I decided on an "Under the Sea" nursery theme and am even considering NOT finding out the gender of the baby (Still need to discuss this with the hubby, though!). I dug up my last Amazon Baby Registry started last fall and made some updates. I began a pregnancy log. I continue to meditate, rub my belly, and think only positive thoughts. I'm convinced, after all, that there is a real mind-body connection here.
If not be positive and hopeful now, when? The time to be happy and hopeful is now, and the place is here.
Go, Bean, go!
You stole my quote! Although, it is a good one, so I'll let it slide.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm glad you said what theme you're doing. Now I can start shopping for baby fabrics for a baby blanket (I make them for all my friend moms-to-be)!