Back to work and on the mend!

I felt like a human again yesterday. It was refreshing. I went back to work and was even excited to be there. My hubby even stopped by after work to build two bookcases for my new spacious office (with multiple windows!!) until 8 pm. What a guy!

Tonight we are having a big housewarming party. Since I'm feeling better, I'm sooo thrilled to be able to have it and see everyone. The house is almost clean, I worked out for the first time in a week via a spin class, and I'm even getting my nails done now in preparation. My hubby mentioned last night that I am finally my old self again; I definitely agree!

We discussed the several pregnant women who will be at the party tonight. My husband was concerned how I would be around them. My response? I will be just fine, as I've decided to open my heart, invite love in, and embrace others' happiness in the process. There is no reason why I can't feel happy for them, as I know it will be our time to have a baby soon. I know it.

I feel like I have been dead the last week. I needed to grieve and take time to heal, feeling what I needed to feel when I needed to feel it. I had a long talk yesterday with a fellow colleague also struggling with fertility. We discussed how hard it can be to feel pure joy for others who are pregnant. You find yourself congratulating them and trying to feel selfless happiness only to go home and cry your eyes out. Then the endless questions and spiral of downward thoughts begins. When will it be my time? Why does everyone else seem to get pregnant so easily? What are we doing wrong? How long do we have to wait?

Regardless of the unpredictable emotions or doubts, I know it will be our time soon. I have faith and confidence it will be. And in the meantime, I'm not going to stress every month. If will happen when it's meant to, and this future baby will know just how much he or she is loved and cherished when God says it's time. 

Now time to prepare for the party!