Not alone....

I feel blessed to work in a middle school. Aside from loving the students and teachers I work with, I am automatically surrounded by a support network of women at all stages of their reproductive lives. At my new school, I have already found a ton of support from fellow women with their own fertility journeys to discuss. A few heard about my miscarriages and approached me to talk... and listen. I couldn't have been more appreciative.

One such colleague has been trying to have her second child for over three years. After several miscarriages and failed rounds of IVF, she is now pregnant with twins and due in January. She's the kind of refreshing person who calls a spade a spade and isn't afraid to speak her mind, especially when it comes to her fertility. Simply swapping stories with her was a breath of fresh air for me today.

I had another long talk with a trusted friend this afternoon about allowing myself to feel whatever emotions I need to feel... and being OK with that. There are some moments now where I need to burst into tears for a few minutes -- and I do. Other times, I am completely happy and fine. Denying myself the chance to experience any of these feelings genuinely would be a sad mistake -- and missed opportunity. Acknowledgment and acceptance of one's emotions is raw and ugly at times but so essential to one's well being, health, and recovery.

Everyone says I've such a positive attitude about my latest loss. I see it as resilience and an important part of picking myself up and moving forward. I can either sit there and feel sorry for myself, or I can continue putting one foot in front of the other, embracing every day, and taking things one day at a time. I choose the latter.

I choose to be a fighter. I choose to persevere. I choose to not give up. I choose to be a mother.

And one day soon, I will be.