PUPO!!

I had a long talk with a good friend yesterday about remaining calm and confident that everything will work out. I've spent so much of my time protecting myself and preparing for the worst case scenario to happen that it has taken much of the joy and excitement out of my early pregnancy. It's like I'm constantly waiting for a ball to drop and something to go wrong.

Instead of freaking out, I need to actively practice more positive visualization -- seeing a heartbeat tomorrow, picturing my baby's healthy growth and development, and imagining life with my future child and husband. I do a good job at this in the evenings when meditating and relaxing at the end of the day (especially now that I have my Doppler), but I need to keep breathing and stay positive during my busy work day as well.

One of my biggest enemies? Doctor Google. I have spent hours upon hours scouring the Internet looking for the latest answers to my gazillions of questions related to every possible pregnancy symptom and issue. The problem with so much information available at the click of a mouse is that it becomes extremely overwhelming and exhausting. There is an answer for everything; everyone has an opinion; no story is alike; people freak out over everything. Chat rooms often become a soapbox of complainers, rude people, neurotics, and other emotional individuals who have had every kind of unimaginable, bad, and dramatic experience. Simply reading the posts makes me want to take a long nap -- or hit my head against a wall repeatedly, depending on the day.

Today, I have not done ANY research regarding any aspect of pregnancy or miscarriage, which is a HUGE accomplishment. Of course, it also helps that I am no longer at boring, neverending trainings for my school district where I find myself being distracted every five seconds. I am back at my new school with PLENTY to do, a new position to learn, and new colleagues to meet and assist.

None of this is easy, of course. Tomorrow is the big day -- our first ultrasound! I am beyond excited to see how long I'm measuring and hopefully see or hear a heartbeat. All signs point to things being well and good up until this point, so there is no reason not to be hopeful and confident, right? After all, I am PUPO (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise)!

Oh, and another good friend of mine saw a motto that beats mine:

Keep calm and incubate.

I also like:

Keep calm and bake.
Keep calm and cook.

You get the idea.

Bean, are you there?!! We certainly hope so!!