Trigger time!

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, my husband and I are in the middle of our first IUI cycle. Basically, this means I start with blood and an ultrasound on Day 3 of my cycle, take Clomid for five days, inject myself with Gonal-F to help with egg growth on Day 9, and then return to the office on Day 11 for more bloodwork and another ultrasound. Fun, fun!

Yesterday, the nurse discovered I had 17 active egg follicles. She said I really responded to the Clomid, which is excellent. Two of the follicles appeared so large that she thought they might be ovarian cysts; luckily, they are not. Due to their maturity, the doctor said it was time to trigger. This meant I got to inject myself in the stomach last night a second time to "trigger" ovulation. Surprisingly, it really was not that bad. The doctor also prescribed another drug to help thicken my uterine lining. Perhaps that's one of the reasons I have trouble getting and staying pregnant?

Timed intercourse is always interesting. It's difficult to stay relaxed but important to do so. I am happy to say that we succeeded at this last night. The cat even left us alone -- haha. Today is an "off" day where we are not required to do anything but take my uterine lining medication. Tomorrow morning, I drop off the hubby's "sample" of sperm at 8 a.m., and the actual IUI is at 9:30 a.m. It is supposed to be painless, quick, and easy. I am excited just to get it done!

Every Wednesday night for the past several weeks, I have taken a Yoga for Fertility class, which has also served as a support group of eight wonderful women also experiencing their own fertility journeys and difficulties. While each has their own story and complications, a common theme quickly emerged -- solidarity and hope for the future. When going through this, it is easy to think you are alone and that no one understands your pain, hopelessness, or anxiety levels. These women help me to see how common these problems are and how therapeutic it can be to share out own's issues and dreams with others who really understand. I am grateful for having met each and every one of these women and look forward to staying in touch with them in the future.

I also recently finished a book entitled Inconceivable" A Woman's Triumph over Despair and Statistics, which tracks the journey of a woman in her early 40s who was told she could never have another child by every doctor and specialist she visited. Despite this troublesome news, she goes ahead and tries every kind of positive change to her diet, exercise, and holistic regiment to become stronger, healthier, and cleaner, on the inside and out. Several months later, the changes seem to be working, and sure enough, a positive pregnancy test follows. Her candor, insight, and brutal honesty is freshing, and I would really recommend the book to anyone interested in learning about a woman's improbable but successful pregnancy journey. Here is the Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/Inconceivable-Triumph-Despair-Statistics-ebook/dp/B000FC1IRW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370522719&sr=8-1&keywords=inconceivable.

The most frustrating part of this fertility journey is the fact that I am NOT in control, as much as I hate to admit that. Having wanted to get pregnant yesterday, I have to be patient, kind, and understanding of my body and mind to move forward productively and healthfully. This is not easy, and there are times when I wonder whether I am even meant to have children. Maybe it's just not in the cards for me. Maybe I should be happy with my pet children. Maybe we should consider adoption or a surrogate.

One thing's for sure, though -- I am determined, optimistic, and proactive in this journey and still confident that we will have a healthy, beautiful child at the end of all this. And we'll be sure to tell that baby just how lucky we are to finally have him or her in our lives.

March on, fighters.....we are warrior women!