Less than one week to go....

I am a planner and always have been. I like to know what's happening and going to happen with my schedule every day. In fact, even as a preschooler, I would cry if my teachers didn't explain the daily schedule to me. This drove my mother crazy. Even at 30, I like to know what's going on. I like to be in control...all the time.

This is part of the reason why infertility is so hard for me to accept. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. It wasn't supposed to be like this. In my mind, I already had my first kid by now and would be starting to work on my second. This was supposed to be a piece of cake.

Well, life doesn't always happen like you expect it to. Still, I believe there's a reason for everything to happen as it does. Though we are in charge of our own destinies, we often have to relinquish control in certain situations and areas of life. Fertility is one of those venues.

It has been extremely difficult for me to accept that I am not in control of this situation. Something I want to achieve so badly is not within my full control. Something I've been trying to have for so long is beginning to seem like an unachievable dream that will never be fully realized.

I have six days until the blood test that will tell us whether our first IUI was successful. I am taking cheap pregnancy tests every morning for my own torture and entertainment. Each still says I'm pregnant. Time will tell. Patient I will try to be. 

If good things come to those who wait, I am ready. Ready for my time to come. Ready to get that elusive BFP. Ready to finally be a parent of a healthy and happy child. Ready for the impossible to happen. And ready to accept that even though this may not happen on my desired timeline, it will happen when it's meant to.

Can I be OK with not knowing this particular schedule? God, I hope so.