Evil Vaginas.....

Does anyone else ever feel like your vagina has betrayed you? Oh, I do. Believe me, I do.

First, there's the whole business of the monthly "Aunt Flo." Next, I don't know about you, but my vagina is ACTIVE -- as in, there is always something coming out of her. Sometimes, I am convinced she wants to put on a pair of high heels and run away into the night. Vaginas are scary. And confusing. And so God-damn frustrating.

Today, my vagina decided to be extra active. For anyone trying to get pregnant, it can be very easy to over-analyze what comes out of her. Does this mean I am ovulating? What thickness is the vaginal discharge now? Should we have sex? What IS this vagina trying to tell us? Oh, vaginas. So frustrating. I wish some sort of delivery pigeon could emerge from our vaginas and tell us whether we are expecting a child. Or maybe a stork would be more appropriate? :)

My apologies to the men reading this. Actually, no. No apologies. You don't have to deal with a monthly menstrual flow, though I'm sure you enjoy our company while we're PMSing for sure. Haha. The vagina is like a mysterous cave with so many intricate details and openings; I do honestly feel (a wee bit) sorry for the men who have to navigate them. At least their sex organ is obvious to decipher and simple to use and explore. Hmmmm......

OK, back to trying to get pregnant. Yes, I feel as though my vagina has betrayed me. I spent over a decade working hard NOT to get pregnant (Hello daily birth control pills, taken at the exact same time every day!) that now that the goalie is released and all systems are a go, the vagina should know what to do. Let those sperm in, guide them up to the egg with some fertile cervical mucus, and then let the insemination party begin. Sounds simple, right?

Oh no. My vagina has decided to produce toxic cervical mucus that trap the poor swimmers and prevent them from reaching their desired destination. Have I verified the toxicity of this mucus? Of course not, but I need a scapegoat somewhere. My vagina ia also evil in having AF come at different times each month. Sometimes, she appears 3 days early, on time, or even up to 7 or 8 days late. This is cruel. Cruel, I tell you. This probably means I ovulate at different times every month, which means I better pay extra careful attention to my vaginal discharge if I ever want to get preggers in this lifetime. Those poor sperm...

I know, I know. So much self-loathe can be detrimental to the baby-making process, particularly for those already having fertility issues and difficulties like myself. I deserve to feel what I am feeling, though, as my therapist always says. Feel those feelings, and express them.

I guess using sarcasm and humor in this blog is my unique opportunity to express these emotions and hope that my vagina gets the message. Fast.