I got my blood drawn (Beta taken) for the third time this week and the results back less than 3 hours later via email. I LOVE efficiency! The news? My hCG levels are now at 41.7, up about 50% from Wednesday. Sigh.....
We were hoping for higher levels, but there is a good chance we conceived and ovulated later this month than initially thought. We all, including my wonderful nurse, are remaining optimistic!
One of my good friends called me a "patient saint." I don't claim to be that, but I am certainly a positive person. There is something to be said about the powerful mind-body connection, especially in pregnancy. I continue to do my pregnancy meditation, practice daily gentle yoga, take it easy, and, of course, pray and hope for the best. Not knowing what lies ahead can easily drive me crazy, but I refuse to let it do so.
It's about finding the right balance between letting things be as they are and having enough personal control over the situation. TTC has made me realize that I can't always get what I want when I want it and that sometimes life is not on MY timeline. How humbling!
Speaking of control, the same friend passed along a wonderful article to me today that discusses this issue and how to balance all of the demands of the fertility and pregnancy journey. It is definitely worth reading and available at circlebloom.com:
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I also want to discuss with you how our emotions play into the brain-body and fertility equation. In particular, the paradox that exists between wanting (and needing) to feel in greater control but at the same time needing to let go – all in an effort to improve your emotional health through your TTC journey. Isn’t it crazy how something as simple sounding as “letting go” can be so dang difficult?! Trust me though, it will make all the difference!
Greater Feelings of Control, Yet the Need to Let Go
What do I mean by letting go? It’s kind of like trying to catch a butterfly and simply opening the palm of your hands and letting it land there. Being completely non-resistant to the events unfolding around you, and creating limitless possibility along with deep peace from within. So, there is a fine line that must be traversed in creating the right emotionally healthful situation for pregnancy: The fine line between feeling in control, but conversely letting go and letting life unfold.
So what can we actually do to achieve this? Here are my 4 suggestions:
1. Become Your Own Patient Advocate. Be the pain-in-the-butt patient in learning about your situation. Explore all the avenues that you must, and refuse to believe – either subconsciously or consciously – that the fate rests only in your doctors hands. This is your body, and retain complete control and power within. Trust yourself.
2. Listen Internally. As I have proposed in the past, the brain-body connection works both ways. Listen to your body and trust that it is telling you what you need to hear.
3. Journal Your Feelings. I may start sounding like a broken record, but I do believe this could be life transforming for you now and for the rest of your life. Journaling in the present tense, explore the wide range of emotions that you are feeling every day. You might even want to journal as if it is one year from now as well and see your life in exact and precise terms that you want it to be…expressing gratitude as you do.
4. Practice Mindfulness and the Art of Letting Go. Meditation or prayer, like journaling, opens up a new window inside your soul. Quieting the mind and your thoughts for even just a few minutes a day will relax and ground you in a way that is hard to describe. Come to the full realization that “soft is strong.”
Kelly's IVF Story. "In My Control: Attitude and Positivity"
We received a testimonial from Kelly, who was able to use our IVF program to successfully find that balance between feeling in control of her own body and emotions, while letting go of the all the other stuff that was just bringing stress and negativity into her life. She says,“IVF is so emotionally exhausting. The drugs and the procedures are out of your hands. But I could control my attitude and my positivity, especially with the help of Circle + Bloom. I believe with every fiber of my being it’s one of the reasons we can finally say we are expecting!”
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My next Beta is on Monday. Let's hope this little guy (or gal) continues to stick and grow!
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