Cautiously optimistic!

Well, it's official -- I'm pregnant! Yes, a lot has indeed happened since my last long post!

While obviously overcome with happiness and joy, I am also quite cautious at this point. When the nurse confirmed my blood test (Beta) result over the phone this afternoon, she mentioned how low my hCG levels were -- at only 15 (She would normally expect to see a level of between 50-100 at this point). This could mean that it is either a biochemical pregnancy or that it is still so early (My period isn't due until Wednesday, and I'm only on day 30, after all). hCG levels are supposed to double every day, so we will see what happens on Wednesday when I go back for my next blood test.

The ironic part about all of this is that my hubby and I didn't put any pressure on ourselves this cycle. We were gone out west on vacation for two weeks (which explains my lack of substantive posts!) and decided it didn't make sense to attempt another IUI right after getting back. So, this happened completely naturally, which is quite the relief.

This marks my second pregnancy. My first ended in a miscarriage at 8 weeks last Christmas Eve, and we have been waiting seven months for another successful result. The urine test line was ridiculously faint yesterday but much more easy to see this morning. I think this is hopefully a good sign!

I had a good friend over yesterday who is also on a fertility journey. I wasn't sure how to share my news with her, so I waited for the right time and hoped she would be OK with the announcement. Thankfully, she was ... and then some. We went on to have a deep and wonderful conversation about self-love and the importance of treating ourselves with the kind of love and respect we deserve. After all, we wouldn't surround ourselves with people who would say, "Come on, this pregnancy isn't going to last. Your last one didn't, and this will probably end in a miscarriage too. Just face it -- it's not meant to be."

Sounds ridiculous, right? But this is how so many of us talk to ourselves internally without even realizing it. Our thoughts so often become our inner mantra and outward reality. I know I am guilty of negative self-talk more than I care to admit. Luckily, this whole journey has made me learn to be more loving, kind, and gentle with myself. The process is ongoing.

If we are all about the company we keep, shouldn't some of the best company be ourselves?

I leave you today with a kind of serenity prayer I have been saying all day....

May I be safe.
May I be healthy.
May I be happy.
May I live with ease.

Today, I am pregnant. Today, I am happy. Today, I will do my best to treat myself with as much love and kindness as possible. And today, no matter what happens, I will be OK. Will you?