Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Yay for the hormones!

More great news today -- my hCG levels are at 187, more than doubling from two days ago! Wohooo! This is really awesome. 
I still have to get more blood work taken on Friday, though, to see how fast everything continues to increase. The gestational sac can only be seen on an ultrasound if the levels are at at least 1,000. Fingers crossed!!

Because my husband and I thrive on bizarre humor, I wanted to share an email he sent me addressing our "little bean" (as he calls it):

Dear Mr/Miss Bean:
Congratulations on your outstanding score of 190 on today's exam!  We will be expecting great things from you in the future, including your matriculation to Harvard by the age of 16.
With best wishes on the successfully fulfillment of your existence,
Proud papa

Here's to a healthy -- and wise -- bean's growth and development!

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Tips on overcoming FEAR....

FEAR is our greatest enemy, especially when we are in the middle of fertility journeys and trying to figure out how and if we will have a child. 

Circle & Bloom once again sent a great article on the topic I think you all will enjoy.

Have no fear, as the only thing to fear is fear itself, right?

The Tiny Guide to Overcoming Fear

I have a seemingly random question for you: Are you afraid?

I don't mean afraid of spiders or afraid of heights (though that’s two checks for me.) I mean is there something in your life that leaves you with a scared pit in your stomach, which paralyzes you and stops you from living your life to the fullest?

It's only recently, through practicing mindfulness, that I have been able to recognize my fears clearly for what they are and begun the process of facing them.


I know it sounds cliché to say "face your fears." But guess what? It's so true.

And it doesn't require going cliff diving or forcing yourself to do something crazy. For me, all it takes is recognizing my fears and rather than reacting to them in a negative way I try to observe them in my mind from a distance and let them move on.

If you want to take more control over negative thoughts and fear, the best ways I know how are through meditation and mindfulness. 

I want to share these 2 awesome tips from tinybuddha.com that I think are really helpful. Here's what they have to say:

1. First, accept that in order to become more mindful, we must recognize that we are solely responsible for the thoughts our minds produce. While we can’t stop our minds completely, we can take control over them and create moments of peace for ourselves.

2. Second, when thoughts or fear arise, try to do the following as soon as you are aware of what’s taking place in your mind and body:

  • Stop

  • Take a long, deep breath in and out. In your mind say “in” as you breathe in and “out” as you breathe out in order to ground yourself in the present moment.

  • Then, feel the ground beneath your feet. Notice the way your clothes feel against your skin, the wind against your face, the sun on your cheeks. Listen to the birds singing, the rain falling around you, or the ticking of a nearby clock.

All this will ground you in the present moment. Even if thoughts want to drag you away with them, coming back to recognize the breath will give you the control you need to prevent this from happening.

I’m betting that if you follow these steps until you feel that the thought or fear in your mind has moved on, or is slightly less powerful and consuming, you’ll be able to return to whatever you were doing with a clearer mind and a more peaceful feeling.

Monday, July 29, 2013

More good news from yesterday!

Yes, I had my blood drawn AGAIN this morning (It never ends!), and my beta is now at an 81.1 -- twice the level from Friday! Yay! This is great news indeed. It looks like my hCG levels are doubling every 72 hours. This is within the normal range of doubling 48-72, luckily.

I had a feeling the jump would be significant today, as the test line on the urine home pregnancy test strips got quite darker the last three mornings. The hubby and I immediately felt more hopeful and optimistic, which was confirmed this AM.

It's a cruel thing, though. The higher the hCG levels rise, the more intense your pregnancy symptoms become. I have escaped nausea thus far (but I am only at a little over 5 weeks), but I am ridiculously tired all the time. I had two wonderful friends from CT visit this weekend (one of whom is 20 weeks preggers!), and boy, did we exhaust ourselves! I needed a two hour nap followed by nine hours of sleep just to feel like myself again. As someone used to getting 6-7 hours per night, this is quite the change.

I also notice I'm getting more forgetful (Yay pregnancy brain!), my boobs are bigger, and I have to pee....ALL....THE.....TIME. I've been told the constant urination gets better after the first trimester as the baby moves upwards, thankfully!

Still, even the worst symptoms are a small price to pay for the amazing life growing inside of me. I am thankful for this and only hope he or she continues to stick.

Baby dust to all!!

Saturday, July 27, 2013

For all pregnant (or TTC) yogis...

I love Yoga Journal and have subscribed for about 1.5 years now, ever since my mother-in-law gave me a sample issue. I was hooked!

The magazine recently featured a piece for yoga teachers on how to teach yoga in the first trimester. As a lover of gently daily yoga, I found it informative and useful, especially when communicating my pregnancy to the many different instructors I have.

The article is also available at http://www.yogajournal.com/for_teachers/2599.

Happy reading!

----


Tools for Teaching Prenatal Yoga: The First Trimester

If you teach yoga regularly, you will have a pregnant student in your class at some point. Learn what to do to encourage a healthy first trimester.
By Brenda Plakans
MJ05_28_pregnant.jpg
Jennifer Messenger Heilbronner, a communications professional and mother of two in Portland, Oregon, started taking yoga during her pregnancy with her first daughter, Ella. She enjoyed poses that helped ease the pain in her lower back and that increased the flexibility of her hips. She also appreciated the awareness this deep practice gave her of the life inside of her.
"I was there for yoga but I liked the subtle reminders that I was there for my baby, too," Heilbronner says. "When we did catstretches, the teachers told us to imagine wrapping our bodies around the baby, and it was really nice to have that visual in our minds as we worked." Obstetricians routinely recommend yoga to their patients, so if you teach regularly you will probably have a pregnant woman in your class at some point. Unless you've been pregnant yourself it might be intimidating to teach this population. And even if you never plan on leading a prenatal class, it's a good idea to be familiar with the basics.
This four-part series on prenatal yoga will give you some basic information and an idea of how to teach pregnant students to prepare their bodies and minds for the demands of pregnancy, labor, and motherhood.
Physiology of Months One through Three
The first three months of pregnancy are especially taxing. Although there is little to see on the outside, the body is furiously assembling a life-support system for the baby inside. Hormones are released that build up the uterine lining, and blood volume increases to facilitate this construction. Blood pressure drops so that the heart can pump all the extra liquid. Muscle tissue begins to relax and joints start to loosen in order to allow the uterus to stretch as the baby grows.
The early part of this trimester (before week ten) has the highest risk for miscarriage, so physical activity during this period should encourage an optimal environment in the uterus to insure implantation of the embryo and proper attachment of the placenta.
All of this internal activity can leave a pregnant woman exhausted, so it's important for a teacher to establish what the student is really prepared to do—a regular hatha class or something more restorative.
Who Are You Dealing With?
First of all, chat with your student to find out how she's doing. What week is she in? Is this her first pregnancy? Does her doctor think things are going well? What is her yoga experience? Not only will this give you an idea of how to modify the class for her, but it will help the student relax and feel that her condition is being addressed.
"I am a person here to do yoga first, and a pregnant woman second," Heilbronner says. "It's just as if I had a shoulder injury that the teacher needed to be aware of and modify poses for."
Once you have determined the student's general health and her familiarity with yoga, you can figure out what poses will need to be adapted. An experienced yogini in her second pregnancy can handle a lot more than a first-time mother who has never done yoga, but you should be aware of the essential modifications to apply to both.
Good Poses for the First Trimester
A pregnant woman in her first trimester should be able to do most basic yoga poses, but it is crucial that she listen to her body and respect when she feels like exercise and when she just needs to rest.
"Teach in a way that teaches students to trust their instincts," says Judith Hanson Lasater, a yoga teacher, physical therapist, and author of Yoga for Pregnancy. "If something feels bad, stop; if something feels really, really good, keep doing it. A pregnant woman's intuition is why the human race is here, so I want them to learn to trust it."
Most standing poses (Utthita Trikonasana [Extended Triangle Pose], Utthita Parsvakonasana [Extended Side Angle Pose], Virabhadrasana I-III [Warrior I-III Poses]) are fine in the first trimester. Even balance poses such as Vrksasana (Tree Pose) andGarudasana (Eagle Pose) are okay, provided they are done near the wall in case the student loses her balance. Strengthening the leg muscles and the pelvic floor is important preparation for later phases of pregnancy, and it encourages good circulation in the legs to prevent cramping as blood pressure starts to drop. Standing twists such asParivrtta Trikonasana (Revolved Triangle Pose) and Parivrtta Parsvakonasana(Revolved Side Angle Pose), however, should be avoided because of the pressure they put on the abdominal cavity.
Open seated twists (Parivrtta Janu Sirsanana [Revolved Head-of-the-Knee Pose],Marichyasana I [Marichi's Pose]) all relieve aches in the lower back and encourage proper posture. Hip openers such as Baddha Konasana (Bound Angle Pose) andUpavistha Konasana (Wide-Angle Seated Forward Bend) should be a key focus because of the flexibility needed for delivery, but you must remind your students not to overdo it; the hormone relaxin is softening all the joints and they are easily dislocated if stretched too far. Stretches on the back (Supta Baddha Konasana [Reclining Bound Angle Pose], Supta Padangusthasana [Reclining Big Toe Pose]) are good, but avoid any intense abdominal work (Paripurna Navasana [Boat Pose]) because of the delicate situation in the uterus right now.
Contraindicated Poses
Pregnant women should avoid most inversions because you don't want to encourage circulation away from the uterus. And because of the low blood pressure pregnant women usually experience, inversions can cause dizziness. The one exception, however, is Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward-Facing Dog), which is fine for short periods of time. Because of the physical demands during the first trimester, these women should not do high-energy sequences such as intense vinyasa series and Sun Salutations with jump-backs. Avoid teaching them most backbends (although Setu Bandha Sarvangasana [Bridge Pose] is OK) because these stretch the abdominal muscles too much.
Side-lying Savasana
A vital part of a prenatal routine is relaxation. "One thing I want every pregnant woman to do is lie down every day for 20 minutes in side-lying Savasana (Corpse Pose)," says Lasater. "Rest deeply every day. Labor is the metabolic equivalent of swimming nine miles, so a mother needs to learn how to rest and listen to her body."
Lay the pregnant student on her left side for Corpse Pose at the end of class (all side-lying poses should be on the left side, to avoid pressure on the vena cava vein, which moves blood from the lower part of the body—the uterus—to the heart). Arrange blankets and bolsters under her right knee, belly (if she is starting to show), right arm, and head so all parts of the body are supported. If she begins a habit of recuperating after physical activity now, she will fine-tune her ability to relax on cue, which is a crucial part of labor and delivery.
Building Strength, Encouraging Rest
During the first trimester, the sensations of pregnancy are still new, so a student might be tempted overdo a sequence. Encourage your students to practice with a new awareness of the baby inside and of her body's need for rest. Your job as a yoga teacher is to help your pregnant students learn to appreciate the benefits of a gentler, more introspectiveyoga practice.
Here, in summary, are some important things to remember when teaching a woman in her first trimester:
  • Practice basic poses with a few modifications. Build strength and encourage flexibility with familiar poses, but make props available in case the student feels unbalanced or tired.
  • Avoid inversions, closed twists, and backbends. The student shouldn't do anything that might compress the uterus or overstretch the abdominal muscles.
  • Encourage a long relaxation at the end of class. This is a perfect time for the student to practice focused breathing and clearing the mind.
  • Remember, a pregnant woman is not sick or injured. Help her discover the strength and power in her body. While you need to modify some poses, she is still a strong, capable student and does not need to be fussed over constantly. Give her some options and let her do the practice in a way that feels good to her. She is the only one who really can feel what is going on in her body, and she needs to learn to trust her own instincts. With a little encouragement and a lot of practice, yoga will become a crucial tool for her birthing experience.
Brenda K. Plakans, mother of three-year-old Eamonn and six-month-old Alec, lives and teaches yoga in Beloit, Wisconsin. She also maintains the blog Grounding Thru the Sit Bones.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Still making progress....

I got my blood drawn (Beta taken) for the third time this week and the results back less than 3 hours later via email. I LOVE efficiency! The news? My hCG levels are now at 41.7, up about 50% from Wednesday. Sigh.....

We were hoping for higher levels, but there is a good chance we conceived and ovulated later this month than initially thought. We all, including my wonderful nurse, are remaining optimistic!

One of my good friends called me a "patient saint." I don't claim to be that, but I am certainly a positive person. There is something to be said about the powerful mind-body connection, especially in pregnancy. I continue to do my pregnancy meditation, practice daily gentle yoga, take it easy, and, of course, pray and hope for the best. Not knowing what lies ahead can easily drive me crazy, but I refuse to let it do so.

It's about finding the right balance between letting things be as they are and having enough personal control over the situation. TTC has made me realize that I can't always get what I want when I want it and that sometimes life is not on MY timeline. How humbling!

Speaking of control, the same friend passed along a wonderful article to me today that discusses this issue and how to balance all of the demands of the fertility and pregnancy journey. It is definitely worth reading and available at circlebloom.com:

-------
I also want to discuss with you how our emotions play into the brain-body and fertility equation. In particular, the paradox that exists between wanting (and needing) to feel in greater control but at the same time needing to let go – all in an effort to improve your emotional health through your TTC journey. Isn’t it crazy how something as simple sounding as “letting go” can be so dang difficult?! Trust me though, it will make all the difference! 


Greater Feelings of Control, Yet the Need to Let Go
What do I mean by letting go? It’s kind of like trying to catch a butterfly and simply opening the palm of your hands and letting it land there. Being completely non-resistant to the events unfolding around you, and creating limitless possibility along with deep peace from within. So, there is a fine line that must be traversed in creating the right emotionally healthful situation for pregnancy: The fine line between feeling in control, but conversely letting go and letting life unfold.

So what can we actually do to achieve this?  Here are my 4 suggestions:

1. Become Your Own Patient Advocate. Be the pain-in-the-butt patient in learning about your situation. Explore all the avenues that you must, and refuse to believe – either subconsciously or consciously – that the fate rests only in your doctors hands. This is your body, and retain complete control and power within. Trust yourself.

2. Listen Internally. As I have proposed in the past, the brain-body connection works both ways. Listen to your body and trust that it is telling you what you need to hear. 

3. Journal Your Feelings. I may start sounding like a broken record, but I do believe this could be life transforming for you now and for the rest of your life. Journaling in the present tense, explore the wide range of emotions that you are feeling every day. You might even want to journal as if it is one year from now as well and see your life in exact and precise terms that you want it to be…expressing gratitude as you do.

4. Practice Mindfulness and the Art of Letting Go. Meditation or prayer, like journaling, opens up a new window inside your soul. Quieting the mind and your thoughts for even just a few minutes a day will relax and ground you in a way that is hard to describe. Come to the full realization that “soft is strong.”

Kelly's IVF Story.  "In My Control:  Attitude and Positivity"
We received a testimonial from Kelly, who was able to use our IVF program to successfully find that balance between feeling in control of her own body and emotions, while letting go of the all the other stuff that was just bringing stress and negativity into her life.  She says,“IVF is so emotionally exhausting. The drugs and the procedures are out of your hands. But I could control my attitude and my positivity, especially with the help of Circle + Bloom. I believe with every fiber of my being it’s one of the reasons we can finally say we are expecting!” 

-----

My next Beta is on Monday. Let's hope this little guy (or gal) continues to stick and grow!

Thursday, July 25, 2013

The levels have doubled!

I meant to post yesterday but then fell asleep after doing my pregnancy meditation and visualization last night. I blame the baby for taking all of my energy!

Anyway, yesterday, after waiting all day for a return phone call for the results of my second blood test (taken early yesterday morning), I finally emailed my nurse and was told my hCG levels have nearly doubled in less than 48 hours -- from 15 on Monday to 27.6 yesterday. The near doubling is good news; the still very low beta numbers have us continuing to be cautiously optimistic.

So, this is good news. It means our pregancy is real (and not chemical) and that the embryo has begun to successfully implant into the uterine wall. I asked the nurse what else I can do to move along the process -- not much but continue to take it easy, rest up, push fluids, and stay positive. I'm also taking Progesterone and baby aspirin to help build up the uterine lining.

If you're trying to get preggers or already are, definitely check out the Circle & Bloom website. They have lots of easily-downloadable meditations for any stage of your fertility. I have found the pregnancy meditations relaxing, useful, and perfect for my type A, always-on-the-go personality. It forces you to slow down, use positive visualization, and focus on every part of your body -- in addition to honoring the amazing events currently occurring inside of you (now or in the future!). I highly recommend it! Find them at http://www.circlebloom.com/.

In addition to the meditation and added rest, I am trying to listen to my body and REALLY take it easy. For those of you who really know me, this is a tall order but so critical for my pregnancy to progress normally and healthfully. I have stopped doing CrossFit and high impact interval training. Now, I prefer long walks, restorative yoga, and other prenatal exercises that treat my body well and gently. My priority is this baby and having the healthiest, full-term pregnancy possible.

My hubby and I are still cautiously optimistic and hoping that the hCG levels continue to rise tomorrow when I go in for my next blood test (Yes, I am starting to feel like I am constantly being poked and prodded!). Thank you to everyone for your positive and encouraging thoughts and prayers. You have no idea what they mean to us.

Today, I am pregnant. Today, I am happy. Today, I can handle whatever comes my way. I am a warrior woman!

Monday, July 22, 2013

Cautiously optimistic!


Well, it's official -- I'm pregnant! Yes, a lot has indeed happened since my last long post!

While obviously overcome with happiness and joy, I am also quite cautious at this point. When the nurse confirmed my blood test (Beta) result over the phone this afternoon, she mentioned how low my hCG levels were -- at only 15 (She would normally expect to see a level of between 50-100 at this point). This could mean that it is either a biochemical pregnancy or that it is still so early (My period isn't due until Wednesday, and I'm only on day 30, after all). hCG levels are supposed to double every day, so we will see what happens on Wednesday when I go back for my next blood test.

The ironic part about all of this is that my hubby and I didn't put any pressure on ourselves this cycle. We were gone out west on vacation for two weeks (which explains my lack of substantive posts!) and decided it didn't make sense to attempt another IUI right after getting back. So, this happened completely naturally, which is quite the relief.

This marks my second pregnancy. My first ended in a miscarriage at 8 weeks last Christmas Eve, and we have been waiting seven months for another successful result. The urine test line was ridiculously faint yesterday but much more easy to see this morning. I think this is hopefully a good sign!

I had a good friend over yesterday who is also on a fertility journey. I wasn't sure how to share my news with her, so I waited for the right time and hoped she would be OK with the announcement. Thankfully, she was ... and then some. We went on to have a deep and wonderful conversation about self-love and the importance of treating ourselves with the kind of love and respect we deserve. After all, we wouldn't surround ourselves with people who would say, "Come on, this pregnancy isn't going to last. Your last one didn't, and this will probably end in a miscarriage too. Just face it -- it's not meant to be."

Sounds ridiculous, right? But this is how so many of us talk to ourselves internally without even realizing it. Our thoughts so often become our inner mantra and outward reality. I know I am guilty of negative self-talk more than I care to admit. Luckily, this whole journey has made me learn to be more loving, kind, and gentle with myself. The process is ongoing.

If we are all about the company we keep, shouldn't some of the best company be ourselves?

I leave you today with a kind of serenity prayer I have been saying all day....

May I be safe.
May I be healthy.
May I be happy.
May I live with ease.

Today, I am pregnant. Today, I am happy. Today, I will do my best to treat myself with as much love and kindness as possible. And today, no matter what happens, I will be OK. Will you?

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Friday, July 5, 2013

Read this...

"One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." - Andre Gide

The force IS with you. Always.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Chew on this...

Our entire experience on this planet is determined by how we choose to perceive our reality.

Choose to love yourself and live in the moment.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Wonderful quote...

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - poet Anais Nin

Monday, July 1, 2013

"Life is...

...either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable." - Helen Keller