There's a reason why my mother always said she would rather work for men than women.
For all the problems my last school and position had, I did enjoy working with more men, who tended to be more no-nonsense, less judgmental, and more focused on results. Even though I work for a male principal again now, he is still very close with his two female assistant principals and former Staff Development Teacher (my new position), who works in a new position in the building. Lots of strong female personalities all seeming to vie for power and influence in a school? Oh boy, there is bound to be trouble.
Luckily, I've never been one to be influenced by power or head games. I demand a lot from myself in all aspects of my life, especially in my professional life. I am a Type A perfectionist and go-getter by nature and have been learning how to balance those tendencies and urges throughout my thirty years of life. Since starting my teaching career in 2005, I think I have made great progress in balancing my professional and work lives. Yes, I will always find it hard to sit still or stop working, but I've certainly learned how to de-stress and not let work/school take over my life, as it has in the past.
This year will pose a new challenge to me on how to balance a complex, new, and quite complicated position where I am no longer a teacher but not quite an administrator. I will have to work hard to not have an identity crisis over it. In addition, I have to learn how to continue to say no, set firm boundaries with my administration, and never forget the needs of my teachers or their students. In the process, I also have to continue having a life outside of school. Last week, I ended up unintentionally missing a meeting (which had no established start time) to head to the gym for a quick workout and shower at 5 p.m. before having to be back at school before 7 p.m. for a new parent orientation. Did I feel guilty about missing this meeting? Of course. But am I glad I stepped away from the building and had a bit of time to reenergize myself? Absolutely. It was worth the guilt others made me feel as well (one such person in the form of a passive aggressive text message -- arg!).
Fertility is no exception -- it's about finding the balance between working too hard to make it work versus stepping back, relaxing, and letting the process naturally happen. This is no small feat, and I am definitely still learning how to do so productively. However, since we started our journey to future parenthood in February 2012, I've come a long way. I need to take the time to appreciate that fact and give myself a pat on the back, since it hasn't been an easy or predictable path.
Just like at school, I will continue to find my balance between controlling the situation and being calm and stress-free about the next step. I will continue to be proactive and take care of myself, knowing that it never cool to let others define, bully, or make judgements about you. This isn't middle school (even though I still work in one), and I refuse to step down to the level of those who feel insecure and let these inadequacies negatively impact their relationships with others.
After all, even when there are too many cooks in the kitchen, you can decide when it's time to leave the chaos and step outside. Maybe this is why my morning walk felt so refreshing today, even in the heat.
March on, warriors!
